


The ChooChoo Stage

by Pronkbaggins



Category: Valve - Fandom, World of Warcraft
Genre: Crack, Darwin - Freeform, Evolution, Goblins, Grom'gol, Grom'gol base camp, Snowdog, Stranglethorn, That interview with "Gabe Newell" from YouTube, Trains, bizarre
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:08:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28057398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pronkbaggins/pseuds/Pronkbaggins
Summary: Trolls enter their next stage of evolution: the ChooChoo Stage. Unsatisfied with this new upgrade, some trolls consult Gabe Newell for advice.
Kudos: 1





	The ChooChoo Stage

No'pp the young shaman woke up feeling cramps racking her body. She touched all her tense muscles tenderly, wondering what could have happened. She had been training hard, but not this hard. She jumped out of bed, heading out of the inn in Grom'gol to consult with the witch doctors.  
"Aye" the witch doctor Interneht nodded sagely "it be happenin' all over da place. My muscles burn too."  
"What is dis curse?" No'pp grumbled, feeling her muscles burning more "it feel as 'do I need ta move like dis to keep dem from hurtin"  
No'pp demonstrated how she had to bend her arms and move them forward and backward in quick motions at her side, like she was doing a childish jog. Behind her, she could hear other trolls in the camp groaning and touching their muscles too.  
One particular troll who was enjoying his tea suddenly spat it out and coughed, clutching his stomach.  
"It feels like it be eatin' me alive!" he screamed. The witch doctor scowled heavily and came over to tap the other troll firmly on the back with his staff. The troll let out a belch of steam from his mouth and covered his mouth up in shock and embarrassment.  
"Da f*** jus' happened" No'pp cried out. She moved her arms at her sides quickly to avoid the immense pain in her muscles. The troll who just belched steam was a rogue and had no magical ways.  
"No. Oh no."  
The witch doctor scowled heavily and shook his head.  
"What is it?" No'pp said. At this point, the orcs, goblins, and undead who were in the camp were all eyeing the trolls nervously.  
"It be time" the witch doctor said, approaching Nimboya who nodded grimly. The troll was shaking all over and clutching his body.  
"I cannot hold it in anymore" he said sadly as he raised his hands to his mouth and loudly imitated a train. Smoke came billowing out of his mouth as well.  
"What be happenin' to us?" No'pp screamed in frustration, now feeling a gurgle in her stomach. No elemental power had ever felt like this. It seemed like she wanted to run and run forever, like fire was brewing in her belly and she needed to release it.  
"It be da next step" the witch doctor Interneht said "da next step in evolution for our kind. It not supposed ta happen now."  
Nimboya continued to scream out a "whooo whoo" sounds as he also moved his arms in chugging motions across the camp, starting to sprint. The rogue who had belched smoke first was on his feet, running wildly behind Nimboya and frantically making "chugga chugga" sounds under his breath. A look of panic was on both of their faces.  
"No" No'pp protested, feeling like her destiny was to join them.  
"Yes" Interneht said defeatedly, his arms starting to move at his sides.  
"Nooooooo!" No'pp protested again, now joining the long forming line of trolls who were chugging along behind Nimboya, who was circling the camp. Orcs were scratching their heads and goblins were murmuring about how these maniacs were costing them business.  
"It be da ChooChoo stage!" another witch doctor screamed from the hut, tears rolling down her face as she frantically moved her arms in a chugging motion as she joined the ever-growing line of trolls belching smoke and loudly imitating a train.  
The goblins were quickly ushering the trolls out of the camp into the jungles of Stranglethorn.  
The ChooChoo Stage had other effects too. Trolls were now growing retractable wheels under their feet and growing in size. They had the urges to carry cargo and were moving much faster than any other beast in Azeroth. Many of them were encouraging others to get on their backs so they could transport them.  
Some trolls who were not yet evolved enough to get into the ChooChoo stage clung to their "primitive" ways and formed a council to seek out help. Trolls were of no use. Orcs did not like the distraction. The undead did not care. The goblins took it upon themselves to find someone to help the unevolved trolls.  
"There's a human by the name of Gabe Newell who's a pretty good inventor" Bumtackle the goblin told the trolls "if anyone can help ya, he can."  
After months of searching him out with scant clues, the trolls found a man in an isolated island sitting by himself in a room.  
"Gabe Newell?" one of them asked hesitantly.  
"Oh. Come in" the large man with the blond mullet said, burping.  
"We be needin' yer help. We entered a new stage of evolution called da ChooChoo Stage and we hate it. How do we reverse it?"  
"Call me gape" Gabe said.  
"Oh...okie dokie...Gape" the troll frowned "do ya have a solution?"  
"Uh...yeah."  
The trolls waited.  
"You guys wanted something?"  
"Yes" another troll said "we need a solution to da new evolution we be experiencin'"  
"Oh, okay" "Gape" said "evolution was made by that f*ggot Darwin. He didn't take the snowdog challenge."  
The trolls were wondering if this was the wrong man.  
"You ready for the snowdog challenge?" the man asked, drawing lewd things in the sand on the ground before him.  
"Will da challenge reverse da cursed evolution?" a troll wondered.  
"I can't answer that" Gabe said.  
"Well den why are we here?"  
"I won't answer that" Gabe affirmed "any more questions?"  
The trolls were doomed.


End file.
